DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I went to a professional baseball game, part of our ticket package gave us access to a special club at the stadium that features a large buffet.
We got to the club shortly after it opened, about an hour before the game started, and a large number of people were already there. There weren’t many places left to sit, but we were able to find a tall table with four chairs.
After we’d finished eating but were still enjoying our beverages and chatting, another couple came up and asked if we were saving the two other chairs for anyone. We responded that we were not, and they decided to join us.
I was a little annoyed, since we’d made sure that we were at the club in plenty of time to get the table. But, as seats were at a premium, I didn’t think there was much I could do.
My husband and I continued with our drinks and occasionally got up to grab a snack. (I should note that our seats in the stadium were directly in the sun, so staying in the shaded club area overlooking the game seemed like a more comfortable option than going to our seats.)
As the other couple was finishing up their meal, and I was hoping they’d be on their way, they greeted some of their friends and said, “Please, come join us.”
I was furious. Not only had the couple overstayed their welcome at our table, but now they were asking all of their friends to join them.
As four other chairs were pulled up, I looked at the woman and stated sarcastically, “No, please, by all means. Take my chair. I was just using it.”
Luckily my husband and I were able to find another table (and we removed all extraneous chairs), but it took a while.
How would Miss Manners have handled the situation?
GENTLE READER: You would likely agree were Miss Manners to say that the club’s policy is first come, first served. But in a world with more people than tables, she does not agree that arriving early absolves you of any obligation to consider others.
She mentions this because she cannot help noticing that the second couple’s behavior seems to have changed. When they politely asked to join your table, you took offense. You do not mention if this showed in your behavior, but it seems likely, as the couple then neglected to consult you when their friends arrived — after which you actively insulted them.
To answer your question: Miss Manners might have been disappointed that space was limited, but she would have behaved politely and shared the table — or, to put it in terms relevant to the occasion, been a good sport about it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an elderly friend who is a widow. I truly love her, but she texts me too much: often four texts in a row, day after day. How can I tell her in a nice way to stop?
GENTLE READER: By setting an example: Answer at your own pace.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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