DEAR HARRIETTE: A few months ago, I was offered a job abroad in a city where I’ve always dreamed of living. The position was exciting and well-paying, and it aligned perfectly with my long-term goals.
When it came time to decide, I panicked.
I worried about being far from my family, not knowing the language and whether I could really handle such a big change on my own. I turned it down. Now I can’t stop thinking about it.
I feel like I let fear make the decision for me, and I’ve been stuck in the same routine ever since — same job, same neighborhood, same unfulfilled feeling. Everyone keeps telling me, “You’ll get another chance,” but deep down I don’t know if that’s true. I can’t stop wondering what my life could have looked like if I’d just been a little braver.
How do I stop obsessing over what I missed out on and start building a future I’m excited about again? Is it too late to take a bold leap, even if it’s not the same opportunity?
— Push Past Fear
DEAR PUSH PAST FEAR: Rather than obsessing over what didn’t happen, look to the future. What do you want for yourself? How did that opportunity reach you in the first place? When you dream about your life, how do you envision it?
Why not create a vision board where you put images and words that highlight your dreams? Be brave enough to put it all out there on this collage that you make, and then pursue it.
You might start by taking a vacation to your dream country to see whether it appeals to you as a potential home. Take baby steps to determine your interest. Most important: Don’t give up. A bold leap can happen step by step.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently brought up the idea of starting a TikTok account as a couple.
He’s always been into content creation, and he thinks it would be a fun way for us to bond, grow a following and maybe even make some extra income.
I know it means a lot to him, and I want to be supportive of his creativity, but honestly, the idea makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like putting my personal life on display, especially not in front of strangers online.
I’m also worried about the pressure it could put on our relationship, having to curate “cute” moments, keep up with trends or maintain a certain image just for views. It feels like turning something intimate into something performative, and that just doesn’t sit well with me.
At the same time, I don’t want to rain on his parade or come off as unsupportive. I know how much this excites him, and I don’t want to be the reason he gives up on something that could bring him joy or success.
Where do I draw the line between being encouraging and betraying my own comfort zone? Is there a compromise we could reach that honors both of our needs?
— Social Couple
DEAR SOCIAL COUPLE: Tell your boyfriend the truth: You want him to be happy, but it makes you uncomfortable to put your personal business out on social media. You support him in his endeavors as a content creator as long as he limits how much of you he includes, but unfortunately, you cannot join him in a joint TikTok.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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