DEAR ABBY: My sister, “Jenny,” and I have had a falling-out and no longer speak.
She’s upset with me because she found out I knew her adult daughter had moved without telling anyone. The two of them were no-contact; they had a huge argument six months ago and haven’t spoken since.
I was in contact with both, and the daughter explicitly told me that she didn’t want to deal with her mother.
I learned about the move when my niece had some mail sent to my house and later revealed she was living on the other side of the country. I asked if she wanted me to tell her mom; she said no.
The truth came out because my niece also had mail sent to my mother’s home. Mom told Jenny, and Jenny erupted on me.
I thought I was doing what everyone wanted. Was I the villain in the story?
— CONFOUNDED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR CONFOUNDED: You did nothing wrong. Your sister erupted on you because you were handy. It’s a shame your sister and her daughter couldn’t mend fences, but the fault doesn’t lie with you.
Your niece moved to escape the dysfunction in the family, which may have been wise, because there appears to be plenty of it. You are not a villain, and you should not accept being labeled that way.
DEAR ABBY: My spouse continuously scrolls through video posts on her cellphone while we are in the same room. I have asked her to please engage her earphones, but she seldom does.
Now, I simply turn off the TV and wait sometimes for up to a couple of hours before she quits.
I don’t dare tell her that this is annoying. I have tried going into other rooms but feel trapped in my own home with her scrolling nonsense.
When I have tried to talk to her, she throws all my faults in my face to shut me down on this subject. Suggestions?
— HEARING TOO MUCH IN OHIO
DEAR HEARING: Yes, I suggest that while your spouse has every right to disappear down the rabbit hole of her cellphone if she wishes, to insist on inflicting the audio on you is inconsiderate.
Asking her to engage her earphones isn’t rude — it’s a natural response to being forced to be an unwilling audience.
I have pointed out in the past that “the best defense is a strong offense.” This is the tactic your spouse is employing so she won’t have to cooperate.
Some sessions with a licensed family therapist might help you to become more assertive. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, then my last suggestion is this: Choose an activity that takes you away from the house and introduces you to friends with similar taste in entertainment to your own.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
<
