DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who, while I know he means well, is nosy and doesn’t seem to understand boundaries.
He’s retired and spends a lot of time outside, so he notices everything that happens on our street and especially around my house, since I live across from him.
For instance, if I leave my garage door open for too long, he’ll call or text me to let me know, even if I’m just in the middle of cleaning or unloading groceries. If someone stops by my house, like a friend or even a delivery person who lingers a bit, he’ll make a point to call and ask who it was.
He’s not aggressive or rude, just overly involved in things that aren’t his concern. He once even mentioned that he keeps an eye on our property “just in case anything ever looks suspicious.” While I understand the intention might be protective, it honestly feels more invasive than helpful.
I don’t want to be unkind or start any neighborhood drama, but it’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m being watched every time I pull into my driveway or have someone over. Should I tell him to stop?
— Nosy Neighbor
DEAR NOSY NEIGHBOR: You are being watched, and you cannot control that. But you do not have to respond to his every overture.
Let the phone go to voicemail when you are busy. Don’t tell him who your guests are. Stop being so responsive. This may help him to back off a bit.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling really terrible because I forgot my best friend’s birthday, and now she’s not speaking to me.
We’ve been best friends for over 10 years, and I’ve never missed her birthday before. This year, I ended up working a double shift the day before her birthday, and I was so exhausted that I slept basically the entire next day. By the time I realized what day it was, it was already late, and I had completely missed the window to call or even send a text.
I tried reaching out the day after with a sincere apology and even sent her a small gift and a message explaining what happened, but she hasn’t responded.
I get that birthdays are important, and I genuinely feel awful for forgetting, but I also wish she could see it for what it was: a one-time mistake, not a reflection of how much I care about her.
Now I’m stuck wondering if this one slipup is going to ruin our entire friendship. Should I give her space and hope she comes around, or should I try harder to make it up to her?
I don’t want to seem pushy, but I also don’t want to let our friendship fade over something that wasn’t intentional.
— Missed Birthday
DEAR MISSED BIRTHDAY: If this one slipup ruins your friendship, there is something deeper going on. Sure, it’s hurtful that you missed your friend’s big day, but it is not the end of the world.
Think about the situation. Is there anything else that could be fueling your friend’s pain? Are you an attentive friend? Have you forgotten important engagements with her in the past?
If you have behavior that needs to improve, commit to doing that. For now, you have to wait for her to come back around.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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